Dork Diaries 08 - Tales From a Not-So-Happily Ever After by Russell Rachel Renée

Author:Russell, Rachel Renée [Russell, Rachel Renée]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Retail, YA 09+
ISBN: 9781481421850
Goodreads: 21943184
Publisher: Aladdin
Published: 2014-09-30T04:00:00+00:00

GOLDILOCKS, RED RIDING HOOD, AND ME, HAVING A SUPERFUN TEA PARTY!

Just as we were finishing up, three girls came into the tea shop, accompanied by two royal escorts and five royal guards. . . .

They wore beautiful dresses and the finest jewelry and shoes.

When they spotted Goldilocks and Red Riding Hood, they immediately rushed over and gave them hugs and air kisses.

I was SUPERexcited when Goldilocks introduced me to them. “Rapunzel, Snow White, and Sleeping Beauty, I’d like you to meet my new friend . . .”

That’s when I noticed that Rapunzel looked like my friend Marcy, Snow White looked like my friend Violet, and Sleeping Beauty looked like my friend Jenny. I couldn’t stop staring at them.

Goldilocks continued. “Her name is—”

“DOROTHY!” the three girls squealed in unison.

“I’d know that dress anywhere,” cried Rapunzel.

“Um, no! She’s NOT Dorothy,” said Goldilocks. “Her name is—”

“ALICE!” the three girls squealed in unison again.

“That dress is a dead giveaway!” said Snow White.

“Sorry, guys! I know the blue dress and white apron are kind of confusing. But my name is Nikki. It’s really nice to meet all of you.”

The three girls looked at me, then each other, and then me again.

“Hi, Nikki!” said Sleeping Beauty. “We don’t recognize your face. What fairy tale are you in?”

“Actually, NONE!”

“Really?” said Rapunzel, with a puzzled look on her face. “That’s very strange. EVERYONE in Fairy Tale Land has a story! Have you filed a report with the Fairy Tale Land Council yet? They are supposed to assign you a story within forty-eight hours.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty simple,” said Snow White. “You just tell them if you’re Regal, Renegade, or Rogue, and they’ll hook you up.”

“Well, actually, I’m none of those,” I explained. “I ended up here due to a freak accident, and I’m trying to get home. I’ve been wandering in the woods for almost two days now. So it’s quite obvious I’m—”

“RENEGADE!” the three girls excitedly squealed.

“Definitely!” said Rapunzel.

“For sure!” said Snow White.

“Totally!” said Sleeping Beauty.

“LOST!” I said, starting to get a little irritated. “It’s quite obvious I’m LOST!” But I understood why those girls said that, seeing as I was wandering in the woods and all.

“Nikki, you are SO lucky!” Rapunzel gushed. “At least you have your independence and get treated like a young adult. When I’m not locked away in some stupid tower going STIR-CRAZY, I can’t go anywhere without a royal escort. Why do I need a highly paid babysitter?! And just look at me! Every day is a BAD HAIR day! I’d love to get a SUPERcute short haircut, but instead I’m dragging around an eighteen-foot-long braid. Do you have any idea how long it takes me to wash and blow-dry my hair? Nineteen hours! I’m a teenager, but I spend most of my time taking care of my hair.”

“Don’t get me started!” Sleeping Beauty griped. “Our lives are micromanaged by kings, queens, princes, and even witches we’ve never met before. We’re told to do this! Do that! Bite the apple! Prick your finger! Fall asleep! Wake up! Let down your hair! We’re really SICK and TIRED of being bossed around.

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